never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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