I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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