My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
