then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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