I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
