Whod you bang
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
