First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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