also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
foreskin is a definite game changer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
