I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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