i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
