Where is the hickey?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
