he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
