My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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