I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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