"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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