I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
