i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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