I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
