My room smells like vodka and shame
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
