Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
