i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
