ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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