So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
