He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
