Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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