This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
