you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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