If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Will exercising make me less horny?
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