You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
