Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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