i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
