I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
