Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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