watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
