It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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