actually, I'm a sock model
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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