you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Randomize
