the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize