The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
