Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
