i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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