Non-Jews are for practice
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
