dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
