Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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