I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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