Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
