1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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