I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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