I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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