oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
