You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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