chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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