I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
