Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
