last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
