I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
