Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
