Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Houston, we have a blender
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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