wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
