the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
