Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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