i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
