How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
