nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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