U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
