He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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