Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize