You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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