Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
