My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
