I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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