Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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