so explain again why im purple
no
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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