At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I am morally bankrupt
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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