was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
