I accidentally had phone sex last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
