remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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