She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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