i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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