you didnt know i had herpes?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
