great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
