would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
