I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
