Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
