Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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